Stay strong, Sister
by AstraphU
Summary: Barely surviving a furious battle against the Abyssals is never an easy experience. Can Mutsu find strength to overcome the survivor's guilt?


_Dear Sister,_

 _I wish I could apologize for all of this. But I can't. I know there are wounds that no time, no amount of sympathy can mend. I know this, because I am one such wound now. And I hate myself for that. I despise myself more than I have ever hated any Abyssal._

 _I remember the relief I felt after that last battle. When I returned to base, limping and barely afloat. Alone. I remember the happiness I felt when I could finally collapse ashore, far away from harm and hellfire. When I realized I was safe at last. When I woke up in the docks the following morning, with you by my side._

 _But I couldn't escape what I left behind. Ryujo, Mutsuki, all the girls who fell back there... They soon returned. They haunted me. Not accusing. Neither angry, nor sad. They just... were. They still are here. And that is worse than anything else I could have ever thought of. No matter where I go, no matter what I say or beg for, they are always here. Silent. Not even ghosts. Just shadows, like my own nightmares becoming reality. Sometimes they look just as I remember them. Sometimes they are distorted, more alike the monsters we fight than the friends they used to be._

 _I am scared, Sister. Terrified that if I ever leave the port, if I ever set foot on the open sea again, I will never return. That something will pull me beneath the waves. That the abyss will claim me and devore my soul, just as she claimed Ryujo and the others._

 _I know you are strong, Sister. I know that you bear responsibilities none of us could. You are the pillar that supports the Admiral and the whole fleet. And I cannot allow this foundation to falter. In my state I am of no use. I am just dead weight. Worse than that, I am a burden that will only weaken you, sap your strength. That will distract you from the purpose we were all called to._

 _But rest assured, Sister. Tonight, I made up my mind. I - hopefully - finally found a way to fix all of this. To take at least a small part of this burden off your shoulders. A way that won't let anyone accuse either of us of cowardice. A way to rejoin those I failed and abandoned back then. And, hopefully, a way that will let us all meet again someday._

 _Please, stay strong, Sister. Please, don't hate me for being weak. Please, remember all the happy days we spent together._

 _And please remember - I love you._

 _Mutsu_

* * *

A summer storm raged, torrential downpour washing over window panes. An occasional flash lit up darkened skies, lightnings barely capable of breaking through thick monsoon clouds. The clock showed half past six in the morning.

Mogami and Tatsuta entered the office, their capes and hoods dripping with water. The only other person in the room was looking outside through the window, her back turned to them. Tatsuta was about to announce their arrival, but caught Mogami's alerting gaze just before she could say a word.

'Wait' mouthed the other cruiser, a slow head shake underlining the message. So she complied.

Except for the storm outside, everything went completely silent.

The office was lit by a single desktop lamp. Normally crammed with paperwork, the surface was now almost empty, all forms and reports pushed aside and piled up chaotically. In the centre laid a single sheet of paper. Tatsuta could have seen the neat handwriting filling the lines, but was too far away to make out any more details. Small wet spots sparkled on the letter, water slowly soaking up into paper.

Finally, as if woken by a distant thunder, Nagato moved to face them.

"Report" she said through clenched teeth, making her way back to the desk. She barely even made eye contact with the cruisers. This only unnerved Tatsuta even more.

"The blast area is completely devastated" Mogami began. "No... no remnants of-"

"Did she suffer?" Nagato suddenly interrupted, her voice cracking only slightly.

Silence hung in the air, heavy as a lead curtain.

"Most... unlikely" Mogami finally brought the words out one by one, each awkward and lumbering. The silence returned after this brief pause, even more oppressive than a while ago.

"Tamanami and Wakatsuki are overseeing the cleanup" Tatsuta was desperate to say anything, if only to just break the overwhelming pressure.

"Did they see...?"

"No, Nagato-san. We were the only ones nearby when the munitions-"

"Then make sure it stays this way. You are dismissed"

The cruisers left the room quickly, shutting the door behind. Nagato leaned over the desk, her eyes fixed on Mutsu's letter.

If she only decided to go to her sister's quarters a few minutes earlier... If she only made it to the docks a few seconds earlier...

Two new tears fell on the paper, glistening in the bulb's artificial glow.


End file.
